


you missed my heart

by kaymccall



Series: tumblr prompts [1]
Category: Scream (TV)
Genre: F/F, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:56:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18822466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaymccall/pseuds/kaymccall
Summary: They still haven’t talked about what was said in the barn. With everything going on, there just never seemed to be a right time.--based on the prompts: “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.” & “I didn’t mean what I said.”





	you missed my heart

They still haven’t talked about what was said in the barn. With everything going on, there just never seemed to be a right time.

It sits under Emma’s skin like an unscratchable itch.  _I loved you. And you broke my heart._  It rests on the tip of her tongue during the moments of awful silence, the kind of silence that used to be comfortable between her and Audrey. More than anything she wishes she could just  _talk_ to Audrey like she used to. The way she could when they were kids, before everything got too complicated. 

Emma remembers the first time she tried to play piano again after her dad left. She couldn’t find it in herself to play for a long time after he was gone. Maggie stopped taking her to lessons. After months and months, when she finally sat down to play again, she expected to pick up right where she left off. She expected it to be the kind of thing she couldn’t forget, like riding a bike. It filled her with dread when she realized she couldn’t play like she used to. She’d fallen out of practice, and her fingers didn’t move with the same ease. It was a kind of quietly devastating realization. 

That’s what not being able to talk to Audrey feels like. It seems as though everything that used to come so easy for Emma now stays just out of reach. 

They’re studying together one day when it leaps out of Emma without warning, like she can’t contain it anymore. She doesn’t have work up the courage to say it. It just finally stops being unsaid. “You said you loved me.”

Audrey’s hand stills on the paper, and her pencil lead breaks. She doesn’t say anything.

“ _Loved_ ,” Emma repeats. “Past tense.”

After a long, long time, Audrey says, “I didn’t mean to,” like it’s an apology. “I was thirteen and gay and fucking scared and you–” she huffs out a breath. “You were the center of the world.” There’s a softness in her voice that Emma hasn’t heard in a long time. It’s a softness she’s more than familiar with, the kind of softness that allowed Audrey’s head to rest against her shoulder at the end of it all, but Emma can’t remember she actually heard that softness in Audrey’s voice. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you.” Audrey snorts at herself self-deprecatingly. “Guess what? I failed.”

“That wasn’t the question I asked,” Emma says, though technically speaking, she didn’t really ask anything at all.

Audrey looks up at her, face muddled and unreadable. “What was your question?”

Emma swallows. “Do you… do you still–” but the question gets caught in her throat. It’s silly, she thinks, to even ask. Audrey had been clear.  _Loved_. Past tense. They were kids back then. So much had happened since. They were different people now.  _You broke my heart._

There’s another long, uncomfortable silence. For no other reason than to fill the void with words, Emma says, “I didn’t mean what I said.” She doesn’t look up to see Audrey’s reaction, just keeps talking. “When I said I blame you. I don’t. I just needed someone to blame, and I was so–” Emma inhales deeply, “I was so desperate not to let that person be me. I think I wanted to blame myself the whole time. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

When she finally does look up, Audrey’s looking at her like she’s grown a second head. “What would you blame yourself for?” she asks. “You didn’t do anything.”

“I wasn’t there for you,” Emma confesses quietly. “I  _broke your heart_.” Audrey cringes at that.

“Your question?” Audrey circles back after a pause. “Emma,  I– of  _course_  I still do.”

Emma nods, a lump in her throat. This would be a perfect time for something to happen. For Emma to kiss her, to tell her she loves her back. But Emma doesn’t feel the need to fill the space, the silence between them. She’s comfortable, she realizes, and she smiles.


End file.
